You know just how rotten your period can be. I don't need to go into it. But have you ever noticed... And I'm sure you have... That the wretched thing comes when you don't want it to, and refuses to show its ugly head when you want it to?

We're going to the beach for a couple days next Thursday. I TRIED to plan this around my rotten period, choosing the only time slot available between both our work schedules where we could take time off thinking, Based on my cycle for the past 4 MONTHS I'll be in the clear. Yeah, okay. Sure.

This bitch has a deadline of tomorrow or I'm gonna be bleeding and doing the pad dance at the beach.

Kinda like how my period decided to conveniently switch gears, overshoot its landing by a week, and land me smack dab in the middle of blood pool central on the day of my wedding.

I'll give the fucker credit for not interfering with the InSoc concert tho, and not interfering when I saw Weird Al many, many years ago.

And WHY do they always put flowers and pictures of happy chicks riding bicycles on pad packages? I've been asking that for YEARS. Is that to ease the blow of the fact you have your period or something?

I am ALLERGIC to pollen, which flowers contain. When most women have their period, the last thing you're gonna see is a woman getting all fired up for a ride. She'll wait till the tail end or when it's completely over.

At least the brand I buy now doesn't have that shit all over it. It has just a picture of a pad. I'd prefer a skull and crossed bones, but I'll settle for this.

HURRY UP! SHOW YOURSELF! ARRIVE AND BE DONE AND GONE WITH YOU! I WANT MY BOOBS TO STOP HURTING! I REFUSE TO STAND ALONG THE OCEAN WEARING A PAD LIKE A FUCKING STAYFREE COMMERCIAL!